Politics and Religion

Wow – it sure has been quite some time since the last blog! Things have been pretty hectic around here, and all the more so due to the publication of my brand new book, Is Your Frog Boiling? There have been lots of speaking engagements and many radio shows in support of it, and if you haven’t been tuned in, please visit www.isyourfrogboiling.com for more information. You can even take the “Froggy Quiz” there to see if your own frog is boiling.

It’s commonly known that when doing speaking engagements, interviews, etc., unless you have been specifically asked to discuss these things, two topics to always avoid are politics and religion. So for all you Commies, I swear to God to stay away from those subjects. But as I was driving today something inherently unfair about the age-old political system in the United States occurred to me, and I can’t recall reading much about it anywhere else. So here goes.

These guys who are sometimes known as “The Framers Of Our Constitution” were pretty sharp dudes, especially that Jefferson fellow – but all of ‘em had to be pretty damn smart to have written such concise and beautiful documents as The Bill Of Rights and The U.S. Constitution. These are not only still in use centuries after their creation but have been an excellent example for all the world to see how to run a pretty decent government right up until the time that lobbyists were invented. Even so, they seem to be working quite well.

Now if you were born in a foreign country and had to take a test to become a U.S. citizen, or if you graduated in the top 8% of your high school class, you probably know that what we have here running this country are three branches of government.

The Judicial Branch, known as The Supreme Court, is in my opinion the most powerful, not only because they decide anything that is truly important, but because once appointed to this court it is impossible to leave, even if the clerk of the court has to come in every hour or so to wipe the drool from your face and change your Depends. Yes – it’s a pretty powerful bunch of old geezers on that bench. Okay - how many of them can you name? Think about it. Do you even know how many there are? (Hint: It’s a number said repeatedly on The Beatles' “White Album.”) Can you name more than three? Well you should be able to, because those codgers are the most influential nine (whoops – gave it away!) people in the country. No one seems to be able to name these extremely important people, yet everyone knows that the Vice President is Dick Cheney. But let’s face it – what the hell is the job of the Vice President except to wake up every morning and ask if the President is still alive?

That brings us to the least important branch (sorry George, Hilary, Rudy, or whoever) – the executive. But let’s skip over them for now (and forever) and move to the branch that really has me upset – the legislative branch, which consists of the Senate and The House Of Representatives. Now once again, if you had to take a citizenship test or actually stayed awake in civics class, you know that the number of congressional representatives varies by state depending on population, but every state, no matter how lame, has two senators. This is the part that is really bothering me.

Why should California (population 37,000,000) have the same amount of senators as Wyoming (population 515,000)? Five hundred thousand people in that humungous state? Wow – I feel like there are that many people here at the mall when it gets crowded. But those senators get the same vote and thus are just as influential as those from The Golden State. Do a little math and you will find that Senator Michael Enzi (R, Wyoming) is 72 times more powerful per capita than that honey-bun, Senator Barbara Boxer (D, California).

Now things are pretty populous here in Maryland, as well as those large states like California, New York, Florida, Pennsylvania, etc. And anyone from a “snob state” like me will tell you that we are the leaders in education, culture, health care, etc.. As a matter of fact, the top hospital and medical school in the country, Johns Hopkins, are right here in my hometown of Baltimore. But if you’re in one of those states that we may think are in the middle of nowhere (like, aw, I won’t insult anyone – you know who you are), you are probably saying, “Well of course you need good hospitals. That’s because if you walk two blocks in any direction from Hopkins you’ll probably get shot or mugged. Out here with the fresh air and low crime rates, we don’t need trauma centers!” And maybe you’re right.

But I still don’t see why North Dakota should have the same amount of senators as New York. And since senators are supposed to represent their population, this theoretically makes a citizen of Vermont (many of whom spend all day stoned listening to bootleg recordings of Phish concerts) much more powerful than citizens of Florida, where if age truly does equal wisdom, they should be more important that the entire European Union.

So what does it all mean? Hell if I know. But since I don’t like whining, I may just pull up my roots and move to Louisiana, which as the 25th most populous state has total parity when it comes to senatorial power. Plus, they have great music and food there!

But here’s the lesson. If your goal in life is to be a U.S. Senator, besides the fact that you should immediately seek some serious psychiatric treatment, you may want to consider moving to Montana, Delaware, Alaska, Vermont, Wyoming, or one of those crazy Dakotas. Not only will you save on campaign spending, you’ll be a lot more powerful.

See you soon! And be sure to visit www.isyourfrogboiling.com to take the “Froggy Quiz!”

Rich