I’m the kind of person that relishes being surrounded by sound. Thinking of an activity that isn’t enhanced by music is practically impossible for me. Be it rock, jazz, classical – you name it – there certainly is no shortage of great music around, and for me it’s almost akin to life itself.

Sunday morning coffee on the porch without Miles Davis? Unthinkable. Driving and rock and roll were made for each other. New age enhances a massage as much as classical goes with fine dining. And how would playing cards with my old college buddies be without popping on the old Springsteen albums we worshipped so much in the halls of higher education. Exercise – put on some punk rock and go crazy! Cooking? How about a little modern folk? The list goes on forever.

But it’s not just music. There is something about being surrounded by noise that makes us feel alive. A noisy restaurant is lively; a quiet one dead. The sounds of the city are vibrant; the cheering of a crowd exciting. At the opposite end of the spectrum, lack of noise can be downright creepy.

When I was in bed for several months recovering from an illness, I became acutely aware of just how much noise there is in our world. Dogs barking at a squirrel erupted like an earthquake in my head. The telephone was turned off in the bedroom, but even ringing from a distant part of the house was more than enough to disturb my rest. Knowing that many of the calls were friends or family calling to wish me well made no difference – the noise was annoying!

Even my favorite sound – the sound of my kids coming home from school – became noise pollution of the highest degree.

Have you ever taken a long car ride with someone that you didn’t know very well? There is a strange pressure to keep a conversation going, now matter how forced or trite.

“Nice driving weather we’re having today, isn’t it?”

“Sure is. Could be some clouds up ahead though.”

“Well, we sure could use the rain.”

Yikes! Who cares??

Sure – this can be a great opportunity to get to know someone better and learn things you never would have had the chance to know. But it can also be a rolling prison cell of small talk and forced conversation. Ever driven a babysitter home late at night who had nothing to say? It’s the longest ten minutes in history!

On the other hand, a long drive with a close friend or relative doesn’t carry the same pressure. Sure – it’s a great time to have conversation. There’s even something about sitting side by side (as opposed to face to face) that can really make you let your guard down for some interesting and intimate talks. But most of all, with a person you already know very well, there is that beautiful chance to enjoy the silence pressure free, without feeling obligated to talk. You can take time to contemplate the scenery, get your thoughts together, or just completely zone out and give your brain a much needed rest. Sometimes the best mental rest period comes not from napping or sleeping but from spacing out. (Warning - this usually works best if someone else is driving!)

Someone once commented to me how you could always tell which couples in a restaurant had been married the longest because the length of the marriage was in reverse proportion to the amount of talking they do with each other during dinner. After some observation, I began to believe that there was some truth in that, and began to spot many older couples sitting together without much conversation.

Of course it’s easy to immediately assume the worst – that twenty or thirty years of marriage will suck the life out of you, leading to a horrible condition where couples just completely run out of things to say to each other, being forced to spend the rest of their existence in a state of muteness simply because everything had already been said. What a life! Just take me now and end the misery!

But wait a minute! Is it conceivable that people can be so intimate and so secure in each other’s company that being together quietly is a welcome blessing? It is entirely possible. Of course, they may actually have run out of things to say or worse yet, just plain despise each other’s presence. But maybe, and even more likely, they are savoring some moments of silence and are under no pressure at all to have idle conversation.

During my recovery, it wasn’t until several steps were taken to insure a reasonable amount of silence that healing could truly begin. Silence was, like food and water, physically and mentally nourishing. I quickly learned why blaring loud (and bad) music was used to torture prisoners and resolve hostage situations. (Okay, okay – I’ll confess! Just turn off the Styx and Journey records!!)

It’s great to be whole again, and to revel in the music and noise that is life. But I have found that there is also an art to appreciating silence. A good noise free period truly nourishes the spirit and refreshes the soul.


EXERCISE

Find at least ten minutes each morning and evening where you can clear your head by appreciating silence, or at the very least the sounds of nature. If you have kids, right after they leave for school is a great time. In a pinch, you can do this while driving. Just roll up the windows and turn the radio off for a change. Let the silence envelop you and nourish you. You’ll be surprised what a recharge you can get just from this simple exercise. It’s a great time for deep thinking, but don’t feel compelled to think at all. You’ll be amazed at what can happen when your brain is truly clear – and it may just be something great!!