Have you had any Patagonian Toothfish lately? Well, let that thought marinate for a minute while you consider this. And please stick with me – I promise this is going somewhere!

Fish is great food. I eat lots of it and I hope that you do too. Besides being delicious and full of that super healthy omega-3 fatty acid, eating fish doesn’t involve the killing of cows, pigs, goats, sheep, chickens or any other animals that roam the Earth. (It does, of course, involve the killing of fish, but were they actually living anyway?)

It’s quite possible that you have noticed a trend towards one of the best fish on the menu these days - Chilean Sea Bass. Every decent restaurant seems to feature it, and according to my informal survey of waiters, it is an extremely popular choice. But hey – even though millions of these must be served every year in North America alone, just a decade ago no one ever heard of it. Where did they all come from? Surely, these crazy sea bass didn’t just start a campaign in Chile to have a big orgy and replicate like there was no tomorrow. So how did they go from zero to ubiquitous in ten years?

This minor issue was driving me crazy (as it probably was you too) so I decided to do a little research into the matter. And here is what I found. First of all, Chilean Sea Bass is not actually bass – it is most closely related to cod. Secondly, it’s not from Chile, but from many places around the world. So let’s see – it’s not from Chile and it’s not bass –just what is it?

Turns out that this tasty poisson has been around for years but is actually called Patagonian Toothfish. Yuk! Someone in the marketing department decided that if it were to become a big splash in North America, Patagonian Toothfish needed a little name redressing, kind of like when Declan McManus decided he could sell more records by calling himself Elvis Costello. Well, it certainly worked, and this stuff is selling like fish cakes.

Wow – how could we be so duped? Well, it’s not the first time this has happened to you! That orange roughy you cooked on the grill last night has only been called that since the 80s – before its marketing makeover it was called slimehead. Gross! Kind of tough to sell someone freshly grilled slimehead for dinner.

Just as you wouldn’t eat slimehead, you probably wouldn’t want “Flipper” for dinner either. So even though the dolphin you would get at the market or restaurant is a fish and not the lovable marine mammal, it was a tough sell when people were picturing that adorable creature they saw jumping through hoops at Sea World. So what happened? Same thing. Those brilliant fish marketers decided to have dolphin take on its native Hawaiian name – mahi mahi. Yum yum – sure sounds better than chowing down on a TV star!

It sure worked for fish, so how about for us? Dental consultants figured out years ago that no one wanted to hang out in the “waiting room,” but the “reception room” sure could be lots of fun. And while a “checkup and cleaning” didn’t sound very important and a “recall” sounded like something to do with a defective car, a “recare visit” would have patients knocking your door down. And most of all, never ever do a “root canal” or “treat the nerve” – make sure you do an “endodontic procedure” or an “internal disinfecting.”

The problem here is, we are not selling fish, we are treating people – real people. They don’t really care if the front of your office is called a waiting room, reception room, or hell hole – they just don’t want to be planted there for thirty minutes and not be recognized. And they’ll take a “checkup and cleaning” from a thorough hygienist over a “recare” from Nurse Ratched and day.

Of course, those fancy people in big buildings love to use terms like “systems integration,” “human resources management” and the like, all the while realizing that no one really knows what they are talking about. But what really matters is what they do, not how they phrase it. So while it may be one thing for those who market fish to give them more attractive names, it doesn’t really work in real life. Something that will never change is the tired but true adage that “actions speak louder than words”. If your business promises excellence in customer service but delivers mediocrity, it won’t take long for people to figure it out. What good is it if you tell your spouse you love them but don’t give them that extra care that really makes it show? And just how effective is it to tell your kids not to drink and drive if they see you guzzle a few Bud Lights before going out?

In other words, while slimehead may taste better if you call it orange roughy, in the real world, what you do, how you act, and most importantly, how you treat others is what really reels them in. Feel free to comment – I gotta go grab some Patagonian Toothfish.